How to Raise a Girl.

How to raise a girl:

Let her pick out pink, frilly dresses—and wear them outside to play.

Throw the baseball with her in the backyard so that she can break in her new baseball mitt.

Be comfortable with her nudity and with your own, so that she can grow to be comfortable in her skin.

Let her take off her teenage bra and not wear it for a year. Don’t freak out if she stops shaving her armpits. Let her disown her girlhood because she’s rebelling against—and mourning—leaving it behind.

Let her cover her breasts and wear baggy clothes—but make sure that she’s not covering more than her body from the world.

Let her eat, but teach her that self-indulgence is not self-care either.

Hold her when she’s fallen down and then help her learn how to get back up, for when you’re not there to grasp her hand.

Make sure she knows that she can date whatever gender she wants. Teach her that nice guys and girls do win, and teach her, preferably through example, to choose partners based on qualities that matter and not what’s between the legs, inside wallets or behind “mysterious” demeanors.

Teach her that she is whole alone.

Help her to be proud of her femininity when (and if) she discovers it, and teach her to appropriately equate this word with strength.

Encourage her to develop her voice. Reassure her that she can be loud and large when she wants to be.

Remember, if you’re also a woman, that she is not you and that just because she’s a girl, this doesn’t mean you will share experiences, perceptions or personalities.

Share your heart and your experiences with her, though, so that she becomes familiar with intimacy.

Kiss her and hold her and hug her for no reason. Let her know that she owes no one any of these things.

Toss her giggling, toddler body into the air. Wrestle with her and don’t tell her to “be careful” when she shows signs of being a daredevil.

Show her how to cook, do laundry and clean—not because she’s a girl, but because it will help her be self-sufficient.

Make sure she understands that “being good” doesn’t mean putting herself last or being small. Rather, it means being authentic and kind (and to herself too).

Dry her tears with your love and willingness to witness her pain, but don’t tell her that her crying should be stopped or that it’s a weakness. Show her that it takes courage to wear an occasionally tattered heart on her sleeve.

Tell her she’s beautiful. Tell her she’s beautiful when she’s just woken up, when she’s sweaty and not only when she’s all dressed up. Tell her she’s beautiful when she’s laughing and sharing her ideas and baring her soul.

Allow her to wear bright red lipstick when she’s old enough, but help her develop self-confidence without it.

And, most importantly, raise her not as a girl, but as the individual who she already is—and love her for it.

7 Signs You’ve Found A Good Guy…Not An Assh*le In Disguise

June 19, 2014 at 7:58am

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Good men, like great sex and comfortable heels, can be almost impossible to find. In the bustling metropolis known as Manhattan, women are plagued with the classic case of quantity over quality, where there’s a plethora of men at their fingertips and none worthy of gripping onto.
By the first sentence, text or Instagram post, we usually know exactly what he’s like, and the odds that he’s a charming, nice sweet guy are slim to none.
We wait for the inevitable moment when his true colors are shown, his motives revealed and that nice guy exterior sheds to nothing more than the raw skin and bones of a true assh*le.
Like prey in the wild, we’ve learned to adapt to our surroundings and protect ourselves against the attack of assh*les, douchebags and playboys. We’ve learned to read the signs, mark the places to avoid and pick up on the traps that are carefully deployed and once so naively walked upon.
We know how to spot danger from a simple whiff of cologne and read through pickup lines like a dog hunting a scent. We are stronger than ever before and we will not be tricked again.
However, like an animal that’s been abused for too long, we have a hard time trusting when someone good does come along. We are quick to bite any hand that tries to touch us and run away at the slightest movement. We are scarred and bruised, depleted of our energy and all faith in humanity.
We are guarded, usually to point that we will tear apart anything that comes remotely close. While this evolutionary defense mechanism will help keep us safe from all those assh*les and womanizers out there, they are also keeping us away from the good ones.
The ones who aren’t there to hurt us, but to show us the love and appreciation we so yearn for. They are there to be our equals, our partners and, for the romantics out there, our Prince Charmings.
We have a hard time spotting the good because we’re always looking for the bad. We’re so quick to classify, quantify and categorize a man under one stigmatized label that we don’t give him a chance to prove himself outside of the group.
But if you’ve stumbled across a good guy, you’ve found more than just a man. You’ve found a gentleman. You’ve found those perfect heels, that mind-blowing sex and just about everything else you’ve been looking for.
So for all the women who are seeing, dating or thinking about a man, here are the telltale signs he really is a good guy and not just an assh*le in hiding.
He Asks The Questions, Never Just Answers Them
A good guy wants to get to know all of you, not just inside of you. He doesn’t ask contrived questions, ones that he knows will get you feeling comfortable enough to sleep with him, but those questions that are generated from real conversation.
He probes and ponders, interrogates and asks for more. And, of course, the sign you’ve got a really good guy is when he remembers your answers two dates later.
He Says Your Name, Doesn’t Only Moan It
Using someone’s first name is a rarity in today’s hook-up culture, as we’ve usually forgotten it by second introduction. Listen to how a guy says your name and you’ll know he’s not just going to ask you to remind him of it in the morning.
In a world where we refer to each other as “dude,” “man” or the multitude of pet names men have come up with for women, your first name is the hottest thing he can call you.
He Opens Doors, Never Closes Them
In the metaphorical and literal world of doors, a good guy is always opening them for you. Whether it’s the openings to his life or to the restaurant you went to for dinner, he’s always extending a hand.
He doesn’t close himself off when things are getting too personal or start moving too quickly. He’s open to more than just the sliding doors of first dates and the bedroom doors of one-night stands.
He Asks About Your Family, Doesn’t Hide His
Men scare as easily as women. They are quick to jump ship and have many idiosyncrasies that come with the dating territory. The first mention of family, relationship or monogamy has the potential to send him back through all those doors he just opened for you.
A good guy, however, doesn’t shake so easily. A good guy wants to be with you, he wants to know your flaws and your family. Most importantly, he doesn’t hide important parts of his life from you.
He Keep You On Your Toes, Never On Your Back
A good guy should excite you as much as you excite him. He should push you, challenge you and, most importantly, keep you on your toes. Because there’s nothing better than a man who knows how to take your sh*t and throw it right back at you. Of course, he’s always there to clean up the mess when it’s gone a little too far.
He Knows Fine Doesn’t Mean Fine, Even If It’s Easier To Believe
A good guy doesn’t try to get out of a fight with simple tricks and wordplay. He doesn’t ignore your aches and pains, but picks up on the small signs and coverups and knows that something isn’t right. He knows that fine doesn’t mean fine and will always try and see through your sometimes horrible displays of “being okay.”
He Doesn’t Make Himself Your Whole World, Just Makes Your Whole World Better
It’s easy to want to make your life into someone else’s. It’s even easier to take someone out of her life and into yours. A good guy respects the life you had before him and doesn’t try and take you from it.
He isn’t intimidated by your career, friends or weird hobbies, but celebrates them. He’s the best thing to come into your world, even if he’ll never be the center of it.

Here Are 10 Things You’re Going To Regret In 10 Years

. Don’t Say You Weren’t Warned.

June 2, 2014Other Stuff

    

These are the kinds of mistakes we all make… but we might not be aware they’re mistakes at the time. In 10 years, you might deeply regret doing any of these. Don’t let “I wish…” or “if only…” be in your vocabulary later in life. Use these solid pieces of life advice to help you avoid these mistakes now so you don’t regret them later.

1. Wearing a mask to impress others. – If the face you always show the world is a mask, someday there will be nothing beneath it. Because when you spend too much time concentrating on everyone else’s perception of you, or who everyone else wants you to be, you eventually forget who you really are. So don’t fear the judgments of others; you know in your heart who you are and what’s true to you.You don’t have to be perfect to impress and inspire people. Let them be impressed and inspired by how you deal with your imperfections.

2. Letting someone else create your dreams for you. – The greatest challenge in life is discovering who you are; the second greatest is being happy with what you find. A big part of this is your decision to stay true toy our own goals and dreams. Do you have people who disagree with you? Good. It means you’re standing your ground and walking your own path. Sometimes you’ll do things considered crazy by others, but when you catch yourself excitedly losing track of time, that’s when you’ll know you’re doing the right thing. Read The 4-Hour Workweek.

3. Keeping negative company. – Don’t let someone who has a bad attitude give it to you. Don’t let them get to you. They can’t pull the trigger if you don’t hand them the gun. When you remember that keeping the company of negative people is a choice, instead of an obligation, you free yourself to keep the company of compassion instead of anger, generosity instead of greed, and patience instead of anxiety.

4. Being selfish and egotistical. – A life filled with loving deeds and good character is the best tombstone. Those who you inspired and shared your love with will remember how you made them feel long after your time has expired. So carve your name on hearts, not stone. What you have done for yourself alone dies with you; what you have done for others and the world remains.

5. Avoiding change and growth. – If you want to know your past look into your present conditions. If you want to know your future look into your present actions. You must let go of the old to make way for the new; the old way is gone, never to come back. If you acknowledge this right now and take steps to address it, you will position yourself for lasting success. Read The Power of Habit.

6. Giving up when the going gets tough. – There are no failures, just results. Even if things don’t unfold the way you had expected, don’t be disheartened or give up. Learn what you can and move on. The one who continues to advance one step at a time will win in the end. Because the battle is always won far away and long before the final victory. It’s a process that occurs with small steps, decisions, and actions that gradually build upon each other and eventually lead to that glorious moment of triumph.

7. Trying to micromanage every little thing. – Life should be touched, not strangled. Sometimes you’ve got to relax and let life happen without incessant worry and micromanagement. Learn to let go a little before you squeeze too tight. Take a deep breath. When the dust settles and you can once again see the forest for the trees, take the next step forward. You don’t have to know exactly where you’re going to be headed somewhere great. Everything in life is in perfect order whether you understand it yet or not. It just takes some time to connect all the dots.

8. Settling for less than you deserve. – Be strong enough to let go and wise enough to wait for what you deserve. Sometimes you have to get knocked down lower than you have ever been to stand up taller than you ever were before. Sometimes your eyes need to be washed by your tears so you can see the possibilities in front of you with a clearer vision again. Don’t settle.

9. Endlessly waiting until tomorrow. – The trouble is, you always think you have more time than you do. But one day you will wake up and there won’t be any more time to work on the things you’ve always wanted to do. And at that point you either will have achieved the goals you set for yourself, or you will have a list of excuses for why you haven’t. Read The Last Lecture.

10. Being lazy and wishy-washy. – The world doesn’t owe you anything, you owe the world something. So stop daydreaming and start DOING. Develop a backbone, not a wishbone. Take full responsibility for your life – take control. You are important and you are needed. It’s too late to sit around and wait for somebody to do something someday. Someday is now; the somebody the world needs is YOU.

(H/T Marc and Angel)

Basically, you should concentrate on being you and not letting others control your life. That, and being a kind person, can go a long way. Share these helpful life tips. Don’t let anyone live in regret.

Read more at http://www.viralnova.com/10-things-youll-regret/#67tR7TYwf5gtOZaY.99

author recommendation

please note that most of these books that these authors make come from a series and are most likely shifter or paranormal in some aspect . ie dragons, werewolves, lions, fairy tale villains(mad hatter, captain hook) most of the books have a head strong female lead character and an alpha male " sometime clueless on how to deal with a headstrong female", but that why i love them.

Dana marie bell
Eva langlais
Shelly laurenston
Laurann dohner
Zenina masters
Celia kyle
Michele Bardsley
Susan bliler
Mina carter
G.A Aiken
Christine feehan
lizzie lynn lee
Selena Illyria
Becca jameson
Jane Wakely
Marie Hall
S. E. smith

this is about half of my collection , i have about 2130 digital books on my kindle and about 9000 on my computer....yes i like to read. and get this half were free from a free reads(less)

THINGS NO ONE WILL TELL FAT GIRLS...SO I WILL

THINGS NO ONE WILL TELL FAT GIRLS...SO I WILL

 (All images by the incredible Liora K)

Things that I wish I knew earlier  Things that I've learned in real life. 

Things people really need to talk about more:

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Everyone has rolls when they bend over. Everyone. Lets just get this out of the way right off the bat. In the last few months, I've had over 30 women ranging from rail thin to extra large naked in my bed and I would routinely ask them to hug their knees. You wont believe this... ALL OF THEM HAD TUMMY ROLLS. Not one was exempt. Even my super fabulous professional model 6 foot tall and some amazing Katie had rolls. The stomach pictures turned into some of my favorite images from the project... so quit thinking they're bad, and try accepting (dare I say embracing?) yours!

When people say "you're gorgeous", believe them. I tend not to, and it's a cryin' shame. When people genuinely compliment you, it's because they really see it. Try to not dismiss their perspective as wrong and assume that you know better. They see all of you. We see our flaws. Believe them.

"Arm flab is embarrassing." No its not, go fuck yourself. No, not you. The people who tell us that, silly.

You're not stunning despite your body. You're stunning because of your body. There is a distinct difference. I grew up in a culture that would deem "unattractive" women as "special spirits". A degrading categorization that implied that the only thing worthwhile was whatever was inside. Well, yeah. We are all much much more than our bodies, but our bodies are a beautiful part of us too. Beauty comes from the inside AND the outside.  I am of the firm belief that every person is beautiful, and so this leaves the inside to be the part that is the most telling when it comes to true "beauty".

A guy can pick you up off your feet, and it won't break his back.  "Wait, whaaaaaa Jes? You're full of shit." Nope. This just happened to me for the first time in... six years? I'm considerably heavier than I was 6 years ago (like... 70 pounds heavier) and so when I ran up to my friend Eric for a hug and he picked me up with my heels in the air... it left me breathless. I had forgotten that it was possible; I had accepted a life void of being lifted. So exhilarating. Eric didn't suffer any injuries and walked away unscathed.

You don't need to exercise every day in order to feel better about yourself. Many believe that someone who's fat needs to exercise as much as possible in order to prove that they're committed to becoming "less fat". As if accepting one's body as is would be a sin, and that's just silly. Yes, exercising has wonderful physical and mental benefits, but you don't owe it to anyone else to make an effort to change your body unless you wanna. You do not have to alter yourself to be okay. Period.

You're allowed to fall in love with yourself. I promise. This will be the scariest thing you will ever do, and that's okay. It will also be the most amazing (albeit super gradual) experience you will ever have. It doesn't make you narcissistic. It doesn't make you vain. It is liberating in every form of the word.

It's also okay to have days were you don't love yourself. Read this. No really. Read it. And then realize that we've grown up learning and internalizing that we are not okay our entire life. For me, that's 26 years of self-hate indoctrination and brainwashing.  It's going to take a lot longer than you think to reverse this thinking, and it's definitely not going to happen overnight. Allow yourself to have "weak" days. Cry, mourn, sob, yell, throw things. Whichever. Then get up, brush yourself off, give the media the finger, and move forward because you're a warrior.

Everyone's boobs are uneven. If you have a lot of boobs, they might be way uneven.  Don't stress. This is totally normal.

There are people who prefer large ladies. And I mean all sizes of large. I thought that my best bet in life was to find a partner who accepted my fat. Pause. Give me a minute to hang my head and shake it at myself. Not only are there people who adore "thick" women, but a LOT of them who prefer it. This eventually ends up in an interesting territory which Marianne talks about here, but the point that I'm trying to make goes back to the "despite vs because of" argument. Here is what you need to know: you do NOT need to settle for a lover who is "okay" with your body. You have the right (and millions of opportunities) to find someone who is infatuated with your body. You deserve to be worshiped, woman!

Fat chicks bang hot guys... ALL. THE. TIME. I know that hot is relative and all inclusive depending on who you chat with, but for these purposes, lets talk about the "universally attractive" kind of hot. Y'know, the kind fat chicks don't deserve? We want to pretend that we don't know what I'm talking about, but lets be real; we totally do. The fact that "fat chicks bang 'hot' guys" was one of the most powerful realizations I've had thus far. In line with the above paragraph, I knew that there would be someonethat would find me attractive but the pool would be small (because of my body) and potentially full of guys I didn't personally find sexy. So I would have to settle for anyone that would take me. After all, how could a conventionally gorgeous man (tall and with tattoos of course) like fat chicks?  Weh-he-hell, let me tell you somethin': through various sites, events, parties, and corner store meetings, I found myself with over a hundred men who were champing at the bit to get with this. I was the one who had to sift through and pick the hottest of the hot. Ladies, over a hundred. "Girls" showed what society thinks about that when Hannah's character has a weekend romance with an attractive and wealthy doctor. People flipped their shit. "Patrick Wilson is so hot he would never do Lena Dunham" was the most eye catching. Wilson's wife responded to that rubbish here, but the tweet speaks volumes about what the majority of people think unconventional women deserve. Jesus christ, it's annoying. I won't spill the details of my bedroom coming and goings, but lets just say this: the hottest guys in Tucson and I get along just fine. I would recommend reading Emily's article on xoJane for a better explanation of what I'm struggling to say. Know this: the myth that "atypical" bodies can't be paired with "typically attractive" bodies is false. Women need to know that all bodies can be paired with all bodies.

Riding during sex will NOT collapse his insides. Just trust me on this one, what you fear is totally false. Here's a great article that changed my life.

Wearing whatever you want is a political statement. Join the revolution. Throw style rules out the window. Wear the tutu. Wear the horizontal stripes. Wear the turquoise skinny jeans. Wear the see-through blouse. Wear the bikini. Wear the sweat pants. Wear the shirt that says "Does this shirt make me look fat?". Wear whatever it is that makes you happy. This is your life.

You are fucking beautiful. I'm saying this with a straight face and seriously meaningful look where I maintain eye contact for an uncomfortable amount of time. I know you don't feel like you fit into the category of gorgeous that our world creates. I know that its hard. I know that its a daily battle. But fuck their fascist beauty standards. The second you stop looking for a skinny model in your mirror and start looking at YOU... is the second you will start to appreciate what you are. Stop looking for flaws. Stop looking for differences. You are perfect. You are more than enough. You are the best thing that has ever happened to you. And you are fucking beautiful.

Say it with me.

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What else belongs on this list? 

Share it in the comments below, and lets keep this conversation going.

[EDIT: I'd like to add, because apparently it's necessary, that if you post a fat shaming or hateful comment below it will be deleted. You are allowed to have your opinions, but this blog is a safe space for all bodies to learn to love themselves. Comments that allow reasonable discussion are welcome. I'm the queen here, and what I say goes. Questions? Here.]